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Corn on the 4th of July
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Editor's note: Mr. Poop began work on this project on the 4th of July, 2001 (thus the title), but failed complete it until now.
Last night during a bout of ennui, I decided to undertake what has long been discussed in my circles as the "Corn Experiment." Not since the notorious "Raven's Revenge" fiasco has my body been subjected to such an intestinal drubbing.
It may not be legible in the picture below, but the corn that I consumed was none other than Western Family "Whole Kernel" canned corn. Let me briefly take this opportunity to impart some crucial corn knowledge: while Western Family brand corn may cost a dime less than top brands like Del Monte, those top brands contain more than a dollar's worth of flavor than the Western Family product. I imagine that wrapping one's mind around this sort of concept may cause a cognitive disconnect in some; how can a product that only costs 59 cents be worth a dollar less than something that costs 69 cents? Simple. The Western Family "Whole Kernel" canned corn actually has negative value. I estimate that the true worth of a can lies somewhere around -40 cents. Now that would be fine if everything in the world operated on absolute value principles, but it doesn't. What we're left with is a fibrous, bland can of corn that the folks at Western Family should actually pay people 40 cents a can to eat.
After two cans, I grew weary of eating the fabulously mediocre Western Family corn; after all, my commitment to mrpoop.com, just like the old grey mare, is not what it used to be.
About 15 hours later I had my morning movement. It sure did have an unhealthy amount of corn in it.
Enjoy.
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